A few years ago, I did something that was really outside of my comfort zone: I went to an event that I felt was slightly out of my league, without knowing anyone there.

I could have made a thousand excuses not to go - I didn’t really have the time to spare, I’d just been to London a couple of weeks before, it was an expensive trip, I’d had some family stuff going on which had already derailed my schedule… it would have been really easy for me to justify not going.

But I chose to go, because I knew that it would stretch me and I felt like it was the right next step.

I don't believe in feeling the fear and doing it anyway, so instead of pushing through, I intentionally addressed what was coming up for me:

• I was nervous because I never know how to answer the question ‘What do you do?’ - so I practiced a two-sentence response until it was coming naturally… I figured I’d tweak it as I went along, and that’s exactly what I did, but I never once stumbled over my words.
  
  
• I was nervous that I didn’t know anybody, so I arranged to have dinner with someone I kind of knew from an online group the night before the conference started… this meant that when I walked into the room the next day, I’d know at least one person.
  
  
• I was nervous about getting so wrapped up in the conference content that I wouldn’t make the connections I wanted to make… so I made sure to print new business cards to hand out and to make a list of people to follow up with after the event.

In the end, I’m so so so glad I went - the things I learned and the friendships I made were well worth the discomfort (read more about what I learned here).

I think that I got so much out of the experience because I chose to get into alignment, instead of pushing through fear.

I didn’t push through, I didn’t suck it up, I did what I needed to do to feel great being in that room. Because I didn’t want to show up terrified. I wanted to show up confident and awesome!

And so I got to thinking that all the comfort zone stuff people talk about in the personal development space is bullshit.

You don’t need to make yourself super uncomfortable in order to get the most out of life.

You don’t need to constantly be pushing your own boundaries.

You don’t need to do something scary every day.

If you’re committed to living a life that’s enjoyable then these things won't really work for you.

So wouldn’t it be a better idea to do what you need to do to make things easier on yourself? To make whatever it is you want to do doable and even enjoyable?

You do this by aligning with how you want to show up, with the version of you who feels confident and awesome in the situation that feels uncomfortable to you.

And how do you align? 

Step by step. Specific thing by specific thing. You identify what’s misaligned and you rectify that one thing. Then you move on to the next one.

Until that big scary thing feels only a little bit scary and you know you can totally do it, even though you’re still nervous. Nervous is a lot better than terrified, and trust me when I say that it leads to better results!

Let’s go through some examples together:

—> maybe you want to share your message on videos and livestreams more, to put your personality and energy out there in a bigger way and reach more people…. but you’re worried about what people will think. No need to jump into the deep end and commit to a video a day, if that’s super scary then it’ll take you so much energy to do it that you won’t be able to sustain the effort. Instead, find a place to practice, a group that feels safe, a community that will lift you up. Let yourself start as small as you need to (I started with teleconference events, so audio only - I couldn't manage video in any form at first!)

—> maybe you want to meet more people in person… but you feel like you’re not great with people and find big events overwhelming… no need to jump in the deep end, if it’s super scary you’ll either book into an event and regret it or you’ll get sick or create some kind of drama so you won’t be able to go.. Why not find a small, intimate event or retreat, where you can make deeper connections with a smaller number of people but still step outside your comfort zone? Or maybe start by showing up to online group calls and practice talking to people there?

—> maybe you want to step into the identity of author, or successful business owner, or leader… these big terms can be intimidating, so let yourself take things step by step. Step outside your comfort zone, but do it bit by bit… what would an easy way to feel like an author, entrepreneur or leader be today? Maybe all you need to do is spend an hour writing, or create a business plan, or share your message on social media.

What’s YOUR big thing that you’d like to do more of but are scared? Maybe you’re scared of judgement, or of failure, or of success… Identify the specific things you’re worried about, and then ask yourself what would make them feel better to you. Start aligning with the person you need to become to easily experience the things you want to experience. Align by taking small specific steps that will make you feel like you want to feel.

So does this mean that you can just stay in your comfort zone? Not exactly.

You do need to step outside your comfort zone, because if you want something different in your life, you have to do something different in your life. It's still true that magic happens outside of your comfort zone, because that's where you grow and choose for the new.

But you don’t need to go so far outside your comfort zone that you feel kinda sick. You don’t need to go so far outside your comfort zone that you’re no longer grounded and centred. Your first priority should still be your energy, and so it’s in your best interest to step outside of your comfort zone in a way that feels good.

Remember that feeling discomfort as you reach for something different in your life is totally normal - it's there simply because you're stepping into something unknown. Once it's known, it'll become comfortable, and the following step will feel uncomfortable. 

But just because discomfort is a normal part of the growth process doesn't mean that you can't be committed to making things as easy as possible for yourself. In fact, I always advocate for ease and enjoyment, as much as possible. I mean, why settle for things feeling hard when a simple tweak or some preparation can make them feel so much easier?

So: are YOU willing to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for yourself as you step outside your comfort zone? Let me know in the comments below, I'd love to know! 

Love,